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Love to Another Includes Love to Yourself
Aloha kekahi i kekahi
This is one of our Hawaiian proverbs that means love one to another. One of the most important things in loving others is to also first and foremost love yourself. Let me share a beautiful example of this truth…
I love to learn from our ‘Ohana, Lomi family, as I travel throughout the world teaching Lomi Lomi and the spiritual teachings of Aloha.
One of my dear friends, Maria Carmen Tomas Martinez, leads classes and Ho’oponopono circles in Spain. She’s an author of several books about the spirit of Aloha or ‘espíritu de Aloha’.
Earlier this year, Maria Carmen was planning to publish a book about healing practices. She asked me if I would contribute a chapter to the project about Lomi Lomi.
I was thrilled! I love to share about my experiences with Lomi Lomi. I can literally talk all day long about the wisdom found in this ancient Hawaiian practice. Yet every time I sat down to write, I encountered resistance.
It was as if I had developed writer’s block.
This seemed impossible! Lomi Lomi is a topic I’m so so very passionate about. I paused to consider, “Why am I having such a hard time with this?”
One explanation, “I have too much material to put into one chapter.” So, I started to write out all of my ideas. But I kept getting blocked with semantics and sentence structure. Deciding where to put a comma became a chore.
I gave a lot of good reasons to justify procrastinating. And suddenly, 6 months had gone by!
In my mind, the project continued to get bigger and bigger and bigger, because I wasn’t taking action. Now, this one chapter felt like a giant thesis.
I decided to get some coaching. I worked to clarify my message and put my thoughts together in a cohesive way.
But deep inside, I was beginning to dread the project.
Instead of working on it, I began talking to others about how I have to do this chapter and questioning how I was going to get it done. I was stressed and completely disconnected from my intuition.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped listening. As I look back now, there were a lot of messages coming through to me that this wasn’t the right book to publish. That it was the wrong time. Or I need to approach the material from a different angle.
But I ignored the message. I made my identity as a “person who keeps my word” more important than my inner “knowing.”
I finally finished the chapter just before the deadline. I wasn’t happy with my final product. The energy around the book wasn’t joyful. It was stressed. Pushed. Forced.
I believe in Ho’ohana, to do your very best work. This chapter on Lomi Lomi wasn’t my best. It was definitely not an expression of my truth.
Loyal to a fault, I honored my word and sent the chapter off to Maria Carmen for her book.
Time to Listen
Many months later, I arrived in Spain and Maria Carmen picked me up from the airport. ’Please please forgive me. I have something I need to share with you. I won’t be putting your chapter in my book,” she said.
‘Thank goodness’, I thought.
She began to share her why. And it was almost the exact same story I just shared with you. She felt blocked and wasn’t sure why. So, she started meditating on it.
What came through was that spirit told her this book needed to take a different direction. This book needed to be about her experience. Initially, she had planned a book based on compiling the work of others. She wanted to honor the influence of her teachers and their impact in her life.
Spirit told her what needed to come in this book was entirely hers. Even though she already had chapters from many other experts, like myself, this book was meant to speak exclusively through her experience.
“Thank you for listening to spirit when I wasn’t”, I said.
I went on to describe the challenges I’d been having in writing the book. She asked, ’Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling stressed out? I would have absolutely said just don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something else out.”
We talked about my identity as someone who’s true to my word. What I discovered is, it’s not worth being true to your word to go against the guidance and message of spirit.
If you’re coming up against blocks, consider it’s because you need to take a step back. Take a deep breath and really listen to what it is you’re supposed to be doing. Listen like Maria Carmen.
The Mirrors All Around Us
For me, in that moment, Maria Carmen was a huge mirror. She also hadn’t told me for all those months because she was worried about what my reaction might be. In fact, I was the first teacher she told that she wouldn’t be using my material.
In that moment, I felt confident that all of the other teachers were going to respond in the same way I had. I knew they would give her their blessing as well, because it’s right.
When it’s the right thing, it feels right. You know in your heart what needs to happen.
Aloha kekahi i kekahi, love one to another. It takes courage to to tell someone “No, it’s not going to work out right now. Thank you so much.”
Maria Carmen had courage when I did not. I commend her for her willingness to love herself enough to follow spirit’s guidance.
This experience showed me where I was not loving myself. I wasn’t listening to myself and my own guidance. It illuminated where I was pushing and forcing to make someone else happy.
The Foundation of Love
Being loving one to another has to come from the right place. The place of love. The project couldn’t flow because it wasn’t coming from a place of love. Without love there was no alignment.
By the end of our conversation, we were both grateful and relieved.
Maria Carmen was empowered to go and share with the other teachers what she shared with me. She received confirmation that her response to her own intuitive guidance system was right and correct.
In our language, we greet one another with Aloha Kawa. Kawa means you and I. Not just Aloha to you, it’s Aloha to you and I and it includes the one that’s speaking.
When we say aloha kokua that means all of us, including the speaker. So then, aloha kekahi i kekahi also has to include the person is speaking or sharing.
Loving ourselves is more important than saying yes because we think we should. It’s more important than making another person happy.
Coming from a place of love that includes loving yourself, ensures the mana, your divine personal power, you put into every interaction can be fruitful.
I can honestly say I’m happy my chapter didn’t go into Maria Carmen’s book. Not because the information wasn’t valuable but because it lacked mana and heart.
I don’t ever want to produce anything that doesn’t have mana and heart. So “Mahalo!” to Maria Carmen. Mahalo to spirit for showing me the way. Mahalo for the mirrors we have all around us all the time.
Share Aloha wherever you are. Even if it’s just a smile. And especially in your interactions with those that are opening themselves to receiving guidance and Aloha from spirit through your healing hands.
Is there something you need to say “no” to? Somewhere spirit is asking you to listen? Share the story with me in the comments below. I love to hear from you!
Kumu Jeana Iwalani Naluai
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