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How to Handle a Frenemy
What do you do with a Frenemy?
A frenemy is a person who pretends to be your friend or once was your friend, and then turned on you. Just because I teach and share the spiritual teachings of Aloha every day, doesn’t mean all of my relationships are filled with Aloha.
Over the holidays, I had a message from a former frenemy who is now a very dear friend. Our story goes something like this…
Bill (not his real name), was someone I respected in the community. He was connected to teachers and colleagues I admired. Over the years, I started hearing reports about Bill spreading negative comments about me in the community.
It hurt. Especially because I felt I wasn’t deserving of that negative criticism. Still, I sent him referrals, clients of mine, because I acknowledge his gifts.
One day, I sent a student of mine to him for healing. She literally came away weeping because there was so much negative commentary about our work and the lineage we are a part of throughout her session.
This wasn’t the first hostile interaction and it wasn’t the last.
I kept hearing different things from different members of the community over time, and I just put my hurt on the back burner.
I decided, “You know what? I’m just gonna keep doing what I’m doing. I know that I’m doing what my teachers have asked me to do. I’m honoring the protocols my Kupuna set out for me.”
Some time later, I got a call from one of my teachers. Bill had gotten sick very, very quickly and was in need of a miracle. My teacher was being summoned to help and asked, “Would you join me to hold a healing space for Bill?”
My teacher had no idea what he was asking. No clue about my history with Bill.
I had a decision to make: focus on the past or focus on my kuleana, responsibility? I took a breath, brought in the HA- breath of spirit and made up my mind:
If spirit needed me to step in and hold a sacred space, then I was going to do it no matter what. I went there with complete aloha and love in my heart for him.
I held space.
I chanted and prayed for him. I supported my Kumu in whatever he needed of me in this time. And for me, it was a deep healing on so many levels.
Afterwards, a miracle happened.
Bill was able to come out of his illness after a long period of recovery right before they pulled the plug. After several weeks in the hospital, he was finally home and improving. And then…he fell down a set of stairs.
After six weeks of laying in bed, barely able to move, he wrote to me. Told me about his accident. Shared that it had been six weeks that he hadn’t been able to walk.
I wasn’t sure why he had written to me but of course, my first inclination was to write him back and say, “I’m so sorry this has happened to you. How can I help you? I’d be happy to come and work on you. Let me know when a good time is.”
And to my surprise, Bill said yes.
So, I made my way over there, again, just only feeling love for him.
When I walked into a room, I saw a man who had once been very strong and vibrant and healthy, now definitely was in need of support on every level. He had lost a ton of weight. He had this horrible injury on his knee. Hooked up to a machine with a tracheotomy and definitely in a vulnerable state.
I determined to give my best. I brought some medicine for ho’oponopono which is made with Limu Kala, the seaweed of forgiveness. A salve comprised of awa to relax the area and dull the pain. I lovingly worked on him.
At the end of the session, Bill said, “Thank you so much. I’ve just been wanting for someone to work on it just the way that you worked on it. I’ve been trying to get others around me to work on the knee but this is the best that it has felt. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
I replied with an offer to come again. The second time I went back, I had an opportunity to really do my work. We began to work through some of the spiritual and emotional aspects of what he had going on.
Why do you think you fell ill at a time when you were really on the road to a vibrant recovery?
Bill shared with me that he had been really angry at his community. He had felt like they weren’t serving each other in the way he thought that they should. He was discouraged. Angry. Lashing out at the community in different ways.
“Kupuna just wanted to teach me a lesson of humility…
because that’s not the place that I was at. And I guess I didn’t get it the first time. I think that’s why, before I could move forward, my knee was injured to the extent that it is.”
And then he said, “You know, I really got it this time, I get it.” He looked up in the sky and held his hands open like he was looking up to Spirit Source and said “I get it, I got it. I got the lesson. I’ve changed.”
My response, “You know, I can tell. I can see that you have changed.”
I didn’t need to go into the story of my feelings. I didn’t need to say, “Oh yeah, I remember being on the other side of that anger, I remember you talking stink about me.”
In fact, it wasn’t even in my thoughts whatsoever.
Going through the process of loving with all my heart had washed the slate clean.
I just confirmed and acknowledged that he was a new man. I told him I loved this version of Bill. In truth, I was honored to be there to work with him. Honored to have been chosen to serve and in the serving humbled by the power of healing. Not of his healing as much as my own.
Months went by, and then I saw him at the beach in his wheelchair. When I thought on him for the following months, I only thought on him with positive thoughts and healing energies.
Last month, I got an email from Bill.
“Love you and thank you for your support when I needed it most. Eternally grateful. Aloha pau’ole (undying love) Hauoli Makahiki Hou (Happy New Year)!!!
This email made my year. There was much more at work than just offering a technique. Loving touch, and care is what had made all the difference.
This is what happens when we stand in a place of Aloha, no matter what.
My Auntie Mahi Mahi calls it the mercy seat. No matter what has happened ever, or whatever will happen, all is forgiven. A space of unconditional love and aloha.
I want to know..
what situations are challenging you with a choice – to swim in a negative thought process or fill your heart with aloha?
I read every post. Post a comment and let me know.
PS: If you are ready to access the power of Forgiveness, Hope, Love and Compassion in your life…
Sign up for my FREE masterclass, Ho’oponopono: The Hawaiian System for Living in Harmony with Yourself, with Others and with the Divine.
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