First of all, Ho’oponopono may be thought as conflict resolution, restoring spiritual alignment, to make right.
If you look in the Hawaiian dictionary, the definition of pono, it takes almost half the page to translate.
Pono means to be correct, in harmony, spiritual alignment. To be well.
Pono is being healthy. In integrity. Staying in balance. It encompasses all things we want to have and need in all of our bodies: spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.
If you put Ho’o in front of pono, Ho’o gives action. If we don’t take care of things when spirit gives a little knock on of door of our spiritual awareness, messages will travel on. If we ignore the message in our mental awareness, it will make its way all the way to the physical body. By the time it gets to the physical body then sometimes it’s going to take more work. It’s going to take more Ho’o to get that pono.
The Hawaiian perspective is that nothing happens by accident. There is no coincidence. Everything happens for a reason.
Struggles are not about whether something is out of alignment. Conflict is not about having to work to clean up the mess.
Ho’oponopono is the ability to mahalo, thank, all of those lessons and challenges that have come. To look back and understand it took those challenges in order to get to where we are. It’s not damaged. It’s all perfect.
Sometimes we just need those things that are uncomfortable to give us an opportunity to move in the direction of making what is already right and perfect more right.
I had this student in class who had a huge amount of difficulties with her ex-partner. Especially surrounding communicating about the children. They had been through a grueling child custody battle and now, two years into their arrangement things were not getting any easier.
Every time they spoke on the phone it was like she was going into battle. She felt like she was always under attack. She made a decision. Every time she had to get on the phone with him to make arrangements for the children, she would put a protective bubble around herself.
“How’s that going?”, I asked. “Does it seems like he is any less angry? Less aggressive?
She confessed that actually it didn’t seem to make much difference. She couldn’t control his behavior, but the bubble was something she felt she could do to protect herself.
“Well, how many times throughout history have you heard of someone putting up a wall and the enemy retreating?”, I asked.
If you put up a wall, the enemy is prompted to take destructive action. Battering rams. Fireballs. Attack.
My question to her, “Instead of this extensive protection ritual, what would happen if you filled your heart with Aloha and also sent him Aloha? Not just when you’re on the phone but at many times throughout the day. Just think on him and if you can’t speak to him directly, speak to his higher spirit.”
She agreed to try it.
My next advice, “Instead of seeing him as the enemy, and yourself as the victim, why don’t you focus on the light in him that you saw in the beginning? The same light that originally attracted you to him? The light that made you decide to have a family with him? Have your children with him? Focus on those parts of him that you loved at one time.”
She decided to give it a go.
A while later, I heard from her once again. Before the decision to send Aloha, one of the most difficult situations that was a regular occurrence surrounding the kids’ sporting events. Things had gotten so bad that only one of the parents could attend at a time so they wouldn’t see each other. The ones that were being hurt the most by this were their kids.
Now, two years later, my student was delighted to say she and her -ex are now sitting together at the games. She’s even there with her new partner. He’s there with the other woman. They’re able to sit and enjoy their time and their children and they’re able to be civil towards one another.
It’s like a game of tug of war. If someone lets go, there’s no more tug of war. Game over. Everyone falls down on the other side. When one person discontinues the dynamic, everything changes.
I am super excited to announce that I am sharing an online Masterclass on Ho’oponopono.
This will be a Four Part series and the first one is FREE. In this webinar you will learn:
Register for this FREE event by clicking this link: Ho’oponopono Masterclass.
What specific relationships are you struggling with right now that could use some Ho’oponopono? Let me know in the comments below. I’ll use your answers to guide the teachings in my class.
Jeana Iwalani Naluai